During a separation or divorce, it’s natural to be concerned about the health of your relationship with your child or children. These relationships have normal ups and downs, but what if more serious problems arise, and you suspect that your former partner is deliberately trying to damage those relationships? If a child’s behaviour toward you changes for no apparent reason, you may be dealing with parental alienation.

What Is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation is a pattern of behaviour by one parent meant to undermine a child’s relationship with their other parent and turn the child against the other parent. The alienating parent’s motivation may be spite or revenge, or they may be attempting to gain an advantage if the case goes to court.

Signs of Parental Alienation

You should suspect alienation if your child:

  • Refuses to spend time with you or in other ways rejects you, but doesn’t express guilt about this.
  • Continually criticizes or finds fault with you but finds none with the other parent.
  • Expresses anger toward you for no good reason.
  • Denigrates you to other people, or openly talks about your shortcomings with them.
  • Stops expressing affection toward you.
  • Blames you for the divorce.
  • Gives a rationale for their rejection that lacks detail or depth.

The behaviours of the other parent can also indicate a campaign of alienation. Be concerned if he or she:

  • Bad-mouths you in front of your child.
  • Impedes your access to your child, doesn’t encourage contact, or schedules important events when you can’t attend.
  • Makes false allegations of abuse about you, portrays you as dangerous or expresses fear toward you.
  • Inappropriately involves the child in decisions about access or custody.
  • Asks the child to serve as a messenger between you, or to secretly collect information about you.
  • Gives the child expensive gifts and unusual privileges, or is lax about discipline and rules.
  • Doesn’t give the child your telephone messages, cards, or gifts.
  • Tells the child that you don’t love them.
  • Discounts anything positive about you or your interactions with your child.

What You Should Do If You Suspect Parental Alienation

There are two basic things you should do if you suspect that your child may be a victim of parental alienation as carried out by the other parent:

  • Identify witnesses who can attest to the alienation and your former partner’s actions. These witnesses could be neighbours, relatives, teachers, and therapists.
  • Assemble evidence that your former partner is deliberately engaging in this behaviour. The best evidence shows a pattern of behaviour; a single instance can easily be explained away, and some of the alienating behaviours are subtle and indirect, so collect evidence that is as detailed, specific, and ongoing as possible, starting from when your parent-child relationship was normal, and going forward from there. Include date and time stamps where available.

Above all, act quickly; the longer the alienation goes on, the more time the other parent has to influence your child.

Types of Evidence You Can Assemble to Build Your Case

  • Electronic communications between you and your former partner, including emails and text messages.
  • Social media posts by the child. These may document things your former partner did or said, or how the child feels about events or situations.
  • The child’s other written communications, such as journals or text messages to friends.
  • Photographs or video/audio recordings of your former partner engaging in behaviour that might alienate your child from you.
  • Your own journal: Keep a record of all relevant incidents and events, including the date and time. If possible, use an online tool that includes electronic time and date, or record the information in emails to yourself.

How Private Investigators Can Help

A Private Investigation Firm specializing in Family Law & Child Custody Investigations can help you assemble the evidence you need while you are coping with the demands of parenting and the stress of divorce. This can save you time and keep you focused and objective, while ensuring your evidence is high-quality, convincing, effective, and collected legally.  Specifically, Private Investigators can:

  • Act immediately.
  • Conduct surveillance on your former partner, collecting time-stamped 4K photo and video evidence, and tracking their movements via GPS.
  • Check your home and car for surveillance countermeasures.
  • Conduct background checks on your former partner, as well as anyone they may be exposing your child or children to.
  • Listen empathically and be on your side through the process.

As the leading private investigation firm in Toronto, Star Quality Private Investigations® has decades of experience in custody and family law-related investigation matters. If you’re dealing with parental alienation, call us today to learn how we can help you find the answers you need to navigate your Child Custody case with confidence, and in the best interest of your child(ren).