When someone finds out that their partner is cheating, they first want to know the number of a good divorce lawyer. The second thing they want to know is why. Our Toronto Private Investigators are often engaged to catch a cheating spouse and have put together a list of the top reasons men are unfaithful to their partners.
- Three Words: Opportunity, Opportunity, Opportunity. Situational factors lead to infidelity more than anything else. A trip to a conference across the country? After-dinner drinks with a group of coworkers? Private Pilates classes? Any of these scenarios could lead to a little too much touching, especially if there’s alcohol involved. This is the type of cheating that “just happened” because the other person was “just there.”
- Anger or Revenge. He may cheat as a way of getting back at his spouse. It might be because she cheated on him, or he might be angry about something else. In either case, the affair could be his way of getting even.
- A Desire for Connection Affairs aren’t only about sex. The cheating man may want an emotional connection he’s not getting elsewhere. He may have trouble talking about the things that bother him or feel vulnerable in his primary relationship. It could also be that he feels his partner doesn’t understand him. Confiding in a lover could be his way of disclosing his thoughts and feelings in a way that’s low risk. In general, men tend to have fewer high-quality social supports than women, and they’re less adept at forming these relationships; a lover may give him that extra support he needs to get through a difficult time.
- Disillusionment with Marriage. Our society promotes an image of perfect love that never fades. When we start a new relationship, everything is exciting and new. We expect that it will stay this way and that we won’t have to do any work to maintain the relationship. But as we all know, those feelings fade and are replaced by longer-lasting, less heart-pounding ones. Cheating may be his way of experiencing that thrill of a brand-new relationship again.
- Low Self-Esteem. If he’s feeling down on himself or has had a setback, he may seek validation outside his marriage. Being with someone who compliments him all the time, worships his body, and takes all sorts of risks to be with him probably boosts his ego and heals some of the damage to his image of himself.
- Commitment or Intimacy Issues. If he has trouble getting close to people, he might have commitment or intimacy issues. Does he reach out for help when he needs it, or is he the type that “suffers silently”? Does he have close friends he talks to about what’s bothering him, or do many of his other relationships seem superficial? The affair may be his way of limiting his commitment to his partner. If he has to rely on his spouse for all his needs, he will have to get closer to her, and there is nothing he fears more.
- Bridging Out of the Marriage. People sometimes use an affair as an intermediate step between an unfulfilling relationship and a divorce. By getting involved with someone else, they are moving out of the relationship in degrees. They might be planning to start a new relationship with the person they’re having an affair with or to use the affair as proof that the marriage is over. Ultimately, they’re hoping to get caught, so they don’t have to sit down with their spouse and have an honest conversation.
- Narcissism. Someone cheating may be doing it because they feel they have a right to attention and sex. They may feel that their partner doesn’t adequately appreciate how wonderful they are and doesn’t honour them the way they deserve to be honoured. They may have multiple affairs simultaneously, or they may have many affairs one after the other.
- Sex. Many affairs start as meaningless flings that happened because two people were in the wrong place at the right time for sparks to start. After that, the flame might be kept burning for a while by the novelty, the longing, and the secret passion. Inevitably though, the embers will die out unless the illicit relationship develops into something more.
If you’re reading this, you may suspect that your partner is cheating on you. The first thing to do in your situation is to determine whether your suspicions have merit by checking our common signs of cheating list. If you have friends who also know your spouse, confide in them: often, friends know about an affair before the spouse does.
When you want solid answers, we can help. At Star Quality Private Investigations®, we have over two decades of getting results for our clients. With our extensive experience, expert Private Investigators, and state-of-the-art technology, we will find out if your spouse is cheating on you, whom they’re cheating with, and when and where they’re doing it. We won’t let you suffer under the weight of your doubt any longer, and we will provide you with photographic and documentary proof of what’s going on in case you need it for legal purposes. Call us today; we have investigators ready to talk to you 24/7 on a confidential and secure basis. Let’s get you the answers you deserve.